Who knew how conflicting motherhood would be? There were sooooo many things I was unprepared for and these conflicting emotions sum up a lot of those things.
Sometimes when I'm with Preston, I can't wait for a break, yet once I'm away from him, I can't wait to get back to him. He is so clingy with me these days that sometimes it wears on me, but when he nuzzles down into my neck for comfort, there is no better feeling in the world. I could hold him and rock him forever.
We worked and worked to get him to sleep through the night (which is still not totally consistent) but the first time he did it, it scared us to death! Surely he must have stopped breathing!
And part of me is really looking forward to weaning him when he turns one in just a couple of months. I'm ready for freedom in a greater than four hour window (yes, I'm gone from him longer than that, but only for work). Yet at the same time, I'm greiving the weaning already. I know I should just be enjoying the present, but I'm going to miss the soothing effect that nursing has on him. I love it when he hikes his leg up on my shoulder as if he's just hanging out on a jungle gym, or the sweet little smile he gives me when he's full.
Who knew that your baby could make you long for your pre-baby freedom and yet relish the new life that you have all at once?
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