Hannah's Disney trip

We took Hannah to Disney in January. I had no idea how much the IL-2 was still affecting me (I got out of the hospital two weeks before) and/or how out of shape I was. The trip was pretty difficult physically, but still magical. Ivan and I were both amazed at how different two little girls from the same parents can be!

Hannah loved Disney as much as Catlin did. She was our brave niece and even rode Tower of Terror! There were too many highlights to mention really, but some of the best moments were the princess makeover and the Princess lunch.

Check out a few of the photos.....

Back to life

It has been almost a year since I last posted. To say I've had a lot going on would be an understatement. I hope to make a VERY long story at least semi-short, but I'm not sure if that is possible.

In April of '07, I started having some shoulder pain. I really just thought it was because I was still nursing Preston and packing him around and he was getting pretty big. I went to see a sports medicine doctor and he gave me some exercises to do to strengthen my shoulder. Then the pain started in the other shoulder and kind of alternated from side to side depending on the day. We went on vacation with my parents and my brother and sister-in-law in May and my neck really started bothering me then. We were sleeping on a pull-out couch though, so I passed it off. One night was super bad....I had to wake Mom up because I couldn't even lie down my neck was hurting so badly.

I went to my family doctor after we got home and he referred me to physical therapy. I just kept getting weaker and weaker. Finally I went back to the sports medicine doctor and he ordered an MRI of my neck. I had the MRI and they asked me to wait in the waiting room as they were sending it to be read immediately. At that point, I knew my cancer was back. I never really thought that was the issue until that moment. So, I called my friend and coworker, Tammy, and we hiked over to the doctor's office when they told me the MRI had been read and I needed to go back and speak to the doctor.

Dr. Chumbley told me that I had a tumor on my spine and he would be contacting my oncologist at Vandy. He couldn't give me much information except that he said it probably wasn't good. He was able to reach my nurse, Vicki, who contacted the melanoma surgical oncologist. They set me up with an appointment with a neurosurgeon that week. I had a PET scan a couple of weeks later that showed a spot in my lung and a spot in my left shoulder blade. Surgery followed on July 5. I had radiation in August along with another neck surgery because one of my bones chipped off, so Dr. Weaver put in a steel cage to stabalize my neck.

On 8/20, I had another PET scan and the news was devastating. I was covered up with cancer. I had "innumerable" tumors in my lungs and liver. What???? It's still crazy for me to think about it. My parents, Ivan, and I went to see the melanoma medical oncologist to discuss options. He gave a few options, but only one option led to a potential full recovery and those odds were slim (insert the voice of my mother saying "we don't believe in odds"). The drug had to be delivered while I was inpatient at Vandy and the toxicity levels were high. I just felt like I had to do it because I had to live!

I was admitted to Vandy on 9/5. I did feel pretty horrible, but I'm not sure how much of that was the IL-2. I was still in a neck brace from the second surgery (if you have never been in a neck brace, they are MISERABLE). I was emotionally and spiritually at rock bottom, and I was literally dying. I did have side effects from the medicine, but mine were apparently mild in comparison to the effects other people have had. I got discharged on 9/10, went to Lexington to be the matron of honor in my cousin's wedding on 9/15, and then went back in for more IL-2 on 9/19.

I got out of the neck brace at the beginning of October and was finally able to drive again and thus start physical therapy. I had lost all bicep function in my right arm. I think PT is as much a miracle drug as any chemo. I got so much stronger so quickly (relatively speaking). Caldwell County Sports Medicine is great!

I went in for a CT scan on 10/30. I was feeling pretty good about it as I wasn't having any symptoms. I just assumed that if I was literally covered up with cancer in August but was feeling pretty ok at the end of the October, things had to have at least stabalized. Drum roll......we definitely got the miracle that we had been praying for! So much of the cancer had just melted away!!!!

I went through another round of IL-2 in December and returned to work at the end of January 2008. I just had another CT scan in Feb., and more of the cancer has disappeared. There is still disease in my left shoulder (although it hasn't grown), so we are doing one more round of IL-2 beginning 4/17. Regardless of the outcome, this will be my last round. Three is the most doses Dr. Sosman will give anyone.

I am leaving so many things out. So many heartbreaks, so many blessings, so many thank you's to individuals.....

There is no way I could mention everything and everybody. I will say, if you're going to have devastation, Princeton, KY is a great place to be. This town will pray for you and support you like no other town in the world. My church and especially my Sunday School class have been marvelous. My family (including inlaws) was amazing. My husband is more wonderful than words could describe. Guess I should include Madisonville too! My friends from there, coworkers, and boss all supported me tremendously. As far as prayers go, I got prayers from all over the state! It helps to have an uncle who teaches at a seminary and preaches across the state to solicit prayers....a preaching grandfather as well.

God is a great and miraculous God. Miracles still happen every day. Yes, there is still a chance this melanoma could take my life, but I have already been given more time than I expected and more importantly, quality time. I've been able to hold Preston again and care for him by myself for several weeks now.

I've skipped a lot of milestones on this blog...Preston's first birthday, Caroline's wedding, Halloween, Christmas, etc. I haven't decided if I'm going to post pictures from any of that or not. Regardless, I'm going to keep up the blog going forward.

My cousins and their respective spouses are talking about doing a cousin blog. If that goes through, I guess I'll move future posts over to the new site, but for now, I'll be posting here. Welcome back to me!!!

Ten months

My baby is ten months today. Wow, it has flown. After crying for 45 minutes during the night, he blissfully slept in this morning while I got ready for work. While I hate waking him in the morning, I love watching him sleep peacefully for a few minutes before I wake him. This morning, he was rolled over on his side. That's a new one on me. Usually he's on his tummy with his legs tucked up underneath him.

Somehow he stayed asleep, or at least in the drowsy, dreamy state with his eyes closed while I changed him, fed him, and laid him in the floor so I could get dressed for work. I LOVE the feeling of his big heavy head on my shoulder when he's sleepy. I think I could hold him like that all day.

Constant conflict

Who knew how conflicting motherhood would be? There were sooooo many things I was unprepared for and these conflicting emotions sum up a lot of those things.

Sometimes when I'm with Preston, I can't wait for a break, yet once I'm away from him, I can't wait to get back to him. He is so clingy with me these days that sometimes it wears on me, but when he nuzzles down into my neck for comfort, there is no better feeling in the world. I could hold him and rock him forever.

We worked and worked to get him to sleep through the night (which is still not totally consistent) but the first time he did it, it scared us to death! Surely he must have stopped breathing!

And part of me is really looking forward to weaning him when he turns one in just a couple of months. I'm ready for freedom in a greater than four hour window (yes, I'm gone from him longer than that, but only for work). Yet at the same time, I'm greiving the weaning already. I know I should just be enjoying the present, but I'm going to miss the soothing effect that nursing has on him. I love it when he hikes his leg up on my shoulder as if he's just hanging out on a jungle gym, or the sweet little smile he gives me when he's full.

Who knew that your baby could make you long for your pre-baby freedom and yet relish the new life that you have all at once?

Easter

Easter was a crazy busy day, but a good day. Preston looked at his stuff from the Easter bunny and seemed to be impressed. He really liked pulling the fur out of his big purple bunny.

I picked up the girls for Sunday School and Ivan drove separately with Preston because we were running a little bit behind. Apparently the women at Southside have similar tastes because there were four different little boys, including Preston, who had on the same Easter sweater.

Ivan took the girls back to their house after church so they could spend some time with their parents and we had Easter dinner with my family at Nan'-na's.

The church Easter egg hunt was supposed to be on Sat. and we had made the decision to not even mention it to the girls, even though I have taken them in previous years, just because the weekend was going to be so busy with Grandma's surprise party and John Mark and Karen's visit. Then Catlin called me Sat. morning and told me that church had called her and said the Easter egg hunt (which she previously knew nothing about) had been changed to Easter Sunday at 4:30. Bummer. That meant they wanted to go and I had to have all three kids by myself as Ivan, Mom, and Dad all had practice for the Sunday evening Easter service at 4:30. The girls had a big time though.

Catlin got to take the Lord's Supper for the first time. I ended up out in the hall with Preston and Hannah as both were being loud. Of course, when one of the deacons brought out the bread and grape juice, Hannah asked about it and I told her, "When you get bigger and ask Jesus into your heart," etc., etc., the whole discussion. She told me that her daddy had asked Jesus into his heart. I said, "What's your daddy doing right now?" She said, "Laying tile." Then I said, "Do you know what that makes your daddy?" And she said, "A goober?" She is so funny! Then I told her that makes him a backslider. So she told me she is a back slider at Misty's. I'm pretty sure she means that she goes down the slide backwards at Misty's (her babysitter's), so I explained that a backslider is someone who knows they should go to church but they don't. She said, "Oh yeah, my daddy's a backslider." I can't wait to tell Doug!!!

Pics with the Easter Bunny

As you can see, we took Hannah and Preston to Paducah to see the Easter bunny. Different weekends and that wasn't the main goal of either trip. Actually, we hadn't even considered it when we took Hannah. We had taken Hannah and Catlin shopping with us to buy them Easter dresses. However, when Hannah saw that you could sit with the Easter bunny, she went crazy. Catlin thought she was too old for that :(

We went back to Paducah this weekend to try to find a few outfits for Preston and a couple of things for me. I didn't get half the stuff done that I wanted too. Preston wasn't very cooperative. He's really in a clingy phase. I hope that phase is a short one. He's wearing me out. However, the line for the Easter bunny was short again, so we couldn't pass up having his picture made too. I was a little worried that he wouldn't go, but once he saw the hair on the Easter bunny's arm, he was sold!

And Hannah's pose was not at all prompted by an adult. The photographer took one photo with Hannah just sitting and smiling and then she said, "One more," and Hannah popped those hands up to her face. What a character!

New Resolution

First of all, I love Tivo. It's one of my top five material possessions and EVERY new parent should have one. That said, I watched Tuesday's Oprah on Tivo yesterday. It was about various subjects, one of them being an idea that a pastor at a Unity church had that developed into a bracelet campaign. He preached a sermon about not complaining and now they have a bracelet they use (and will mail to others who request it). I think it says "complaint free world." It's purple. You're supposed to wear the bracelet for at least 21 days. According to this guy, it takes 21 days to truly change a habit. Every time you complain, you're supposed to change the wrist the bracelet is on and start all over with another 21 days.

So, I think I'm going to try it. I'm not going to get the bracelet, I'm just going to try not complaining. He and Oprah discussed what was truly a complaint and some of that is open to interpretation. Oprah's question was, "If you honk at someone in front of you because they haven't noticed the light is green, is that complaining?" The minister said it depended on your intent.

That means I'm going to do some of my own interpreting. I'm not resolving to be nice all the time. That's just too much change at once. So, if I don't like someone, I'm still going to say, "I don't like him." Wow, as I type that, that sounds so juvenile. Maybe I need to work on that too. Still, it's not a full-fledged resolution. However, I'm going to work on this "no complaining" thing. No more complaining about the temperature in my office, being tired, Preston crying, etc. We'll see!